It snowed this morning, big heavy flakes. It’s the worst sort of weather in this town, it keeps people indoors, only brave Londoners who have to work or desperately want their morning paper and a coffee hide behind umbrellas and hurry along the pavements. It snowed and then it stopped and now it’s just cold and grey. I’m in the studio. The heating is still not working, but at least we’ve bought a fan heater, it keeps my toes nice and toasty.
I’m writing, but I’m lagging slightly behind my target of 2000 words per day. After a marathon sprint during the last two weeks I hit some kind of wall on Thursday and Friday. Every time I sat down to write I experienced what can best be described as my inner angry three-year-old clenching her fists and shouting “I just don’t want to do anything”. I’m not sure if you’ve ever experienced this particular kind of vicious inner procrastinator, but if you have you know she (or he) can be a bit tricky to deal with. I’ve spent two days reading British newspapers, looking up interesting flats on Airbnb and reading about super volcanoes.
There are a couple of texts I need to edit. I have a finished manuscript sitting on the hard-drive, waiting for me to pay it even the tiniest bit of attention. I’ve written a couple of short stories I’d like to send out. But every time I start thinking about doing that final edit, about perhaps getting them ready for readers who aren’t my immediate family that angry three-year-old appears again.
I know what’s going on here. I’m afraid of being judged, of what people might think and feel when they read my writing, so I leave it all sitting on my hard-drive. I’m not alone here. I’m not the first person to runaway and hide because I fear rejection.
So I need to come up with a strategy, something that will appease that angry three-year-old. How do parents deal with screaming toddlers? Well I just googled “how to deal with angry three year old” and a lot of interesting stuff came up.
Among other things:
Don’t judge the child for their anger
The anger is the problem, not the angry child. So … the procrastination is the problem, not my fear of rejection? Basically feel the fear and do it anyway.
Find the anger triggers
“Work together to try to find out what triggers the anger. You’ll learn to recognise the early warning signs that anger is starting to rise.” (From the NHS website)
In other words – don’t focus on the end result, focus on the work, when the end result triggers anxiety.
Have a specific goal
“You could have a star chart on the wall and reward your child with stickers for keeping anger away for a whole hour, then gradually move to half a day, then a day and so on.”
Yes, I know lots of writers do this, they reward themselves in different ways for reaching their word targets. Would a glass of wine for every short story sent out work? Ice cream? Pancakes with maple syrup and bacon? A full hour of reading about super volcanos on Wikipedia? I’m sure I can find some kind of bribe that works.
Praise your child
“Praise your child’s efforts and your own efforts, no matter how small. This will build your child’s confidence in the battle against anger.”
This makes sense, we all know it makes sense and yet we never do it. Give yourself some positive feedback every now and then.
In the end the main thing is to keep writing, to ignore the temper tantrums, to not give in to angry toddlers and to always have some ice cream in the fridge. So… 2000 more words, here we go!
Image by Caleb George.